As children, my parents would insist on taking me and my younger brothers to the local shopping mall to see one of 'Santa's Helpers' a few days before Christmas. It was the only mall for miles in an extremely rural area, so it kinda came off as a hillbilly meet-up. I couldn't believe my Mom had … [Read more...] about Santa’s Pink Pig.
Flying the red-eye with an infant isn't as glamorous as banging a flight attendant in a 737 bathroom on the way to your buddy's bachelor party in Vegas, but it does have its perks. Wait, no, it doesn't. It doesn't have any perks. Welcome to being the disease. If you want to know what it was … [Read more...] about Da Plane! Da Plane!
The days of eating out of vending machines and recycling underwear were over. No longer would I have to touch my rear to a foreign toilet seat, watch sports in standard-definition, or remember the names of 30 rotating nurses. We were back on home turf. After we carried Ava into the house, I spent … [Read more...] about Cookie Monster Needs His Sleep.
The last day or two at the hospital had been more routine and while Ava slept, I found myself making the rounds, exchanging gossip with Phyllis in the gift shop or Greg, the line chef in the basement cafe. My slippers and wristband identified me as a new Dad. Unless you've been able to experience … [Read more...] about Hefner And His Girls.
One of the benefits of being a Dad, aside from not having to go through surgery or shoot a human out of your vagina, is being able to walk into the hospital lounge after delivery and announce the birth. In my case, we had already divulged the sex of the baby to everyone, so I was basically filling … [Read more...] about Recovery And The ’67 Camaro.
As we walked through our final set of electronic double-doors, we entered an isolated hallway outside of the operating room. I quickly scanned the area, taking inventory of my surroundings in the event the impossible happens and I need to go Jack Bauer on someone's ass during a hostile takeover. … [Read more...] about Plus One.