Two Sundays ago, evidence of my vas deferens marching forward like the dominant players of Invictus, made themselves apparent. While I wasn’t dismantling apartheid or bringing millions of joyous people splashing into the streets, my swimmers were, once again, undefeated and unconquered in their efforts against my wife’s uterus.
Charlie Maxwell Kulp was born during a full moon on Sunday morning, July 17, 2011 at 6:36am. Without rugby shorts, a striped polo or taped-back ears, he weighed in at 7 pounds, 12 ounces. He was 19.5 inches long and once again, I was there to cut the cord. The first time was tough enough, but this one got sweaty.
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Several weeks ago, Jen and I had our 20 week appointment, a 4d ultrasound. We knew that we would be able to determine the sex of the baby at this appointment. Jen suggested that we keep the gender a secret and have the doctor write the sex on a card and seal it inside of an envelope. Then, we would give that envelope to our bakery down the street and have them prepare a cake covered in white fondant, the inside of the cake being either blue or pink.
After that, we would have a friends and family over to the house for a ‘gender reveal’ party, not to be confused with a ‘baby sex’ party for obvious reasons. We would cut the cake and find out, together, what we were having. I assumed this was something she saw on ‘The View’ or ‘The Duggars’, since I’ve never heard of it. You’ve got to pick and choose your battles in marriage and I was comfortable hiding behind a rock, waving the white flag on this one.
With time running out in the 2nd period, Adrian shuffles the puck down the ice (not passing to any teammates you perverts) and sets up to take a shot on goal. He pulls back, shoots and SCORES!
FINAL SCORE: ADRIAN: 2 UTERUS: 0
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