1 Year. 1 Month. 1 Day.
That’s the amount of time we had with my niece. Her name is Olivia.
The day after we finished our 2,690 mile move/drive from California to Maryland, my wife got a phone call that forever changed the lives of our entire family.
My parents and in-laws were both in DC, to help us with the move-in process. The in-laws were finishing up a convention, about to drive over and meet us. Jen’s phone rang, it was her Mom.
‘My God, there’s been an accident. Olivia’s been hit by a car and she’s not going to make it, we have to get back to Atlanta right now. Oh, my God, this is my worst nightmare!’ No one had any specific details, except that the situation was dire and it was necessary for everyone to get home immediately.
Given how disoriented we were at the time, living out of suitcases, having boxes strewn throughout our new home, we decided it was best to split up.
I drove Jen and Charlie to the Baltimore airport where we met up with her parents and brother Max, all of them responding to the desperation of Brooke and her husband, Brad, ready to board the next available flight. We prayed that this accident might have somehow been exaggerated. We hoped it wouldn’t be the unimaginable.
A few hours later, as I packed Ava’s bag in DC and got us ready to go, Jen and her family landed in Georgia. They were greeted by Jen’s Uncle Bill, who had the unbearable task of telling everyone that their 13-month old granddaughter and niece, had died.
I don’t know that I’ll ever forget the phone call I received from my wife.
‘Jesus, Olivia died. Please put Ava in the car and come down here as soon as possible.’
She was asleep, my parents had retired to their hotel and I stepped to the balcony for a moment by myself. How could this happen to someone so young? WHY?
1 year. 1 month. 1 day.
As evening turned into early morning, the details became more clear.
Brooke, Brad, their twins Stone and Addie, along with Olivia, were at a little league field waiting for their oldest son Max’s football game to kick-off. With just a few minutes left in the previous game, Brad and the twins headed to the bleachers to claim seats and Brooke took Liv, buckled in her stroller, back to the car for her sippy cup.
Brooke looked left, then right, and proceeded to enter the parking lot on the crosswalk. For an unknown reason a car that had already gone past, had stopped and reversed in the wrong lane, without warning. The car hit Brooke and Olivia.
Brooke was thrown to the ground and the stroller, with Olivia inside, was knocked over.
Brooke heard Olivia crying, as she lay on the ground. While she struggled to get up from the pavement and help her baby, the driver reversed again, rolling over Olivia. The car then pulled ahead, running over her a second time, just as Brooke was about to reach her.
Olivia was taken by ambulance to Egleston Children’s hospital in Atlanta, where doctors worked tirelessly on her.
It was too late. Liv was gone.
As a father and an uncle, I am devastated. My heart is broken.
To imagine the amount of pain and loss that Brooke, Brad, Max, Stone and Addie are experiencing is gut-wrenching. The loss we feel as a family is compounded by the tragic and preventable nature of the circumstances.
On the evening before the funeral, family and friends held a candlelight vigil in her honor. As our family huddled in the kitchen at Brooke and Brad’s house discussing final arrangements and details, I sat with the kids in the garage, helping them make signs for the memorial fence.
Addie told us over and over that her sister had died, that she ‘didn’t have a sister anymore’. My wife reassured her that she will ALWAYS have a sister, it’s just that she’s in heaven.
This is the fence at Lenora Park, the football fields near the site of the accident. Ava was overwhelmed by all of the toys, stuffed animals and balloons decorating Liv’s makeshift memorial on the fence.
Brooke, Max, Stone and Addie light a lantern…
With everyone holding hands and launching lights into the darkness for my niece, I locked up.
In that moment, we were one, hundreds of people watching the lanterns float into the night sky to the tune of bagpipes. This is Olivia’s brother, Stone, watching the amazing sight.
Sometimes a picture says a thousand words.
As Ava and I watched, she said, ‘Daddy, it’s Tangled!’ in my ear. I knew what she meant. She was talking about her favorite Disney movie, where the King and Queen, who had their daughter stolen from them, launched lanterns into the night, every year, on the same day, her birthday. They were meant for Rapunzel to see, and in our case, for Liv to see.
I told Ava that Olivia was our lost princess. I struggled, knowing that her cousin was gone.
Friends from all over, who couldn’t attend, sent us pictures and shared their own real-time candles with us via email and Facebook.
The next day, there was a service at the Grayson United Methodist Church, where the twins attend preschool. ‘Jesus Love the Little Children’ played on the organ as we filed into the sanctuary. We moved past the congregation towards the front pews. Reverend Scott delivered a moving service.
Olivia’s father, Brad, stepped up to the pulpit and spoke. His strength and composure during the delivery of the tribute to his daughter is something I can’t explain. It was one of the most moving and powerful speeches I’ve ever heard. I don’t know how he did it.
After he finished, Brad returned to the pew directly in front of me and fell into Brooke’s arms, breaking into tears. As long as I live, I’ll never forget that moment.
After the service, we proceeded outside, everyone holding a balloon with a note attached for Olivia. We congregated in the parking lot and released them into the air, hoping that maybe she would see them.
People ask me how Brooke and Brad are coping.
I don’t know. There aren’t words strong enough to express what they’re experiencing. They lost their daughter. It’s something that most people can’t begin to comprehend. Brooke is continuing to recover from her own physical injuries, a constant reminder of that painful Saturday afternoon.
Right now they take life, not day by day, but hour by hour.
We will never forget you Olivia. You are a beautiful scar on our hearts. My father-in-law said it best at the vigil – ‘The chain of my perfect family has forever been broken… and all I want is to fix it.’
We miss your hugs and life will never be the same without you.
SLOW DOWN AND LOOK AROUND. STOP BEING IN A HURRY.
Is it really worth the cost of someone’s life? Enjoy the time you have with your loved ones. Cherish every moment and tonight, before bed, hug your kids a little tighter.
***
The pictures and videos that follow are my documentation of the precious little time we had with this sweet angel. She was, and remains the most amazing little girl, with her massive bear hugs, beaming blue eyes, bouncing her body every time she heard music.
This shot of Brooke and Ava was taken when we visited her in the hospital, flying from Los Angeles to Atlanta a day after Olivia’s birth.
Liv was just getting warmed up.
A few months later, we spent Christmas together, her first and only.
Here are Stone, Olivia, Ava and Addie with Santa.
This past summer, just before her death, Brooke and Jen’s youngest sister, Lindsey, got married. Ava was a flower girl with her cousin Addie. We took this picture at the rehearsal. Two cousins hugging it out.
Here are Liv, Stone, Ava and Addie, huddled together in a plastic wagon. I love this, one of my favorites.
A month before this all happened, I sat across from my niece on her first birthday. Not seeing her for a few months had no effect, as she approached me with an enormous hug. Olivia was an old soul, wise beyond her years, with her radiant blue eyes drawing you in.
This is video I shot from across the table at her birthday dinner. I’m so grateful we got to share this moment.
Uncle Bill designed Olivia’s first birthday invitation. It was amazing – a booklet invite.
SPECIAL NOTE:
If you have an image of Olivia, a message for the family, or a moment you would like to share, this blog post will remain open indefinitely. Simply comment below or email me at adrian@dadoralive.com and I’ll add it to my thread.
Second, a trust has been established in Olivia’s memory. You can make a donation by mail. Her family is deciding what to do with the fund to honor their baby girl.
OLIVIA ANNE HELLWIG TRUST FUND
C/o Lesa Mayer
Sun Trust Banks, Inc.
Mail Code GA-ATL-1961
303 Peachtree Center Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30303
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I just read your blog- thank you for sharing your heart and the heart of this beautiful baby and her family. A loss like this is something that we can never fathom in our minds. Not one life was changed that day but several. As the person who caused this accident life is forever changed as well.I cried while reading of the events-and of Olivia’s life-for sure she was precious and loved and now is safe in her maker’s arms-Jesus. Praying that the peace that only can come from the Lord surrounds Olivia’s family, and also praying for the one who caused this tragedy- the Lord is our great healer, I don’t know anyone that is involved-but please know that I have lifted you all up in prayer. Thank you for sharing about this angel named Olivia .
We learn the tragic loss of Olivia from Jen and Jennilee, our daughters. No puedo imaginar el dolor de estos padres y familiares con esta perdida irreparable. Quiero que sepan que desde Puerto Rico tienen una familia que los tiene en sus oraciones constante. Pidiendole a nuestro Padre por ustedes y toda su familia para que permanescan unidos siempre. Gracias Bill and Lee for your friendship.
Olivia has been the beautiful baby that many of us in Grayson have talked about for months now. My son was one of the kids playing when the accident happen. We will never forget her and pray often for God to give her family peace.
We have discussed this tragedy at work, at practices, playgroups etc. If nothing else, it has been a tragic reminder that the driver must stay aware of everything going on around them and not allow things to distract them.
As someone who knows what it is like to lose a sibling, my family and I will forever remember this precious family and pray you all have peace and comfort in your memories.
To Brooke: I’m so sorry. Im so so sorry that you and your family had this happen. I don’t know you – but I know Age (it was a beautifully written tribute) and I suffered a loss at a young age. Loss of a young life is nothing you wish on your very worst enemy. If I could find words to express empathy and promote healing it would be to:
- talk about her when she is on your mind. Everyone is probably thinking about her too.
- keep her on your lips and hang up the photos in your house. Be proud of what who she was and how much she was loved.
- don’t be amazed when you see something that you swear she made happen – a random balloon, a ladybug on your sleeve. She is thanking you for being a wonderful mommy to her and her siblings.
Grief and blame are no match for love and the belief that you will see her again.
With love, Shannon
I was at ISU with Brad and have only caught up with him on facebook. As a new mom, this goes beyond heartbreaking. As I try to imagine the wound this has left, I realize more and more that the feeling in the pit of my stomach must be multiplied by billions for them. After I heard this, I started to watch for break lights in parking lots and gave cars a few seconds more before I passed with the stroller. The only thing I can say is that Olivia, your little angel will not die in vain. I have and will continue to tell people your story so that no one will ever have to feel the pain that you are feeling. I continue to pray for you and your family everyday and I pray that you feel the warmth of God’s arms around you. This little girl will always be a light in your lives and we will keep her shining by sharing her story. Much love, Maria
Words could not say how sorry I am for your loss. Your family will be in my prayers.
What a beautiful tribute to your niece. Thank you so much for sharing these details, thoughts and touching pictures and videos. My family lives down the street from Olivia’s family and my 2 girls attend GUMP. Although I don’t personally know them, I pass their house every day and always send them a prayer. May God continue to comfort your entire family.
I have no words for the sorrow I feel at this story. I just wanted to add my condolences to the chorus. I have a 21 month old son and can’t imagine how hard it would be to lose him in any way. I don’t know your family, but I’m sending you all my love. Life has a lot of nerve going on after it completely devastates you…but I hope there will be joy for you all again.
I just want you to know that I hugged my son as tight as I possibly could after reading this story. We said a prayer to Liv and God to give all involved strength through this tragedy. What a beautiful little girl she was! 6 years 4 months 12 days…that’s how long I’ve been blessed with my son and I can not thank you enough for reminding me how precious that time truly is. Praying for you!
Sending hugs & love & prayers. I love this quote from Kahil Gibran in “The Prophet”-
: “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”
I feel sure that Olivia’s spirit is with each of you & will be eternally. What a precious little angel. She taught all who knew her the true meaning of love.
Thanks Adrian for the blog. Ginny
I have known Brooke & Brad and the kids for a long time. When Brooke’s mom came in to Publix to tell us about Liv we all just broke down & cried. We love them like they are our family. I have seen Brad a few times and finally got the chance to see Brooke yesterday.As a mom it just breaks my heart to know that she has lost a precious angel. We will always remember how beautiful Liv was and how much she was loved by everyone that met her.
I cry every time I think about your tragic loss… Thank you for sharing this story and I pray you and your family grow stronger as the days go on. As a mother I could never fathom the thought of losing one of my little girls. Our thoughts and prayers to Oliva and her family
My heart goes out to you as you go through this horrific time. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost my son in a car accident and this organization was very helpful: http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx
Adrian, this was a beautiful tribute! It has taken me several days to get through this entire post because of the sobs it brings to me. My heart too was broken for what Brooke, Brad and all the Mayer’s, including my precious new daughter-in-law and son, have lost. Everyday I pray for the protection of all of our children and the healing of all those who havelost a beautiful child.
What a terrible, terrible tragedy. I’m so sorry to hear of your family’s loss.
I know its probably the last thing on your mind but your blog has given her a trully amazing tribute, well done
This post hurt me to my core. I cannot begin to understand why the type of things are able to happen to such innocent children. As a mother of 3, I can only imagine the pain that your family is feeling right now. Please know that you all will be in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry for your loss. How absolutely heartbreaking. And what a beautiful tribute. Thanks for sharing this painful story.
Horrible. Absolutely horrible. How did the driver not know they hit something?! Truly sorry for your family’s loss.
I can’t fathom the pain you are all experiencing, but again I can. We almost lost my daughter last year. She spent 4 months fighting for her life and while we were in the hospital, the emotions going through all of us were significant. We were to scared to allow the question of “What if she doesn’t make it” enter our minds, but they did every day. During that time, a friend’s husband and son, who was in a stroller, were hit while crossing the street. The husband made it, but their son did not. It was heartbreaking how in one instant, an innocent little one is taken. The time to grieve is so important, raw, surreal, and challenging since everyone grieves differently.
I send you much love and much support from afar. It makes the day to day realities of what is truly important so significant. People need to step back, not rush, and just focus on what counts. My heart is heavy for you, I am so sorry for what your entire family is going through.
I’ll share your post and know that more people will be sending prayers, support and wishes for love and laughter in upcoming times…even though it may seem so challenging now. How blessed Olivia was to only know a life of love and a family who adored her.
I can’t even leave a real comment…I’m just a puddle of tears over here. My heart is broken for all who knew Olivia. Tragic beyond measure… Sending love….
I have sat here as tears have rolled down my face. Heartbroken. My heart goes out to you and your family. You will stay in my prayers. e.
Words can not express my sadness about this tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with you all as you grieve this terrible loss. I will give my three kids an extra hug and kiss in the morning to honor dear Olivia and to not take these moments for granted.
Thank you for sharing such a touching tribute of a special angel.
If there is any way to help your family, please let me know. Till then, my heart and thoughts will be with you all. Take care.
My heart & deepest sympathy for your entire family. Clearly Oliva is one incredibly special angle. Feeling so grateful to have a chance to learn about her & feel so happy knowing that she is in a beautiful, wonderful place where she can look out for us all…especially her family. Oliva, thank you for sharing your incredible, beautiful & unbelaibly special presence with us all.
I came upon a link to your site on a good friend’s facebook page, and never before has clicking a mouse have such an overwhelming impact on my heart. I feel a pain for you and your family from my very soul. I also live in the Atlanta metro area. I have been a dad for 2 years 5 months and 1 day. I secretly acknowledge the day of my daughter’s birth as the day my life started, and if something ever happened to her…if she were taken from this world, that day would be the end of my life.
I don’t know why these things happen, and I stopped trying along time ago to understand them. The conclusion/belief I think comes the closest to any type of reasoning is that the birth of these precious babies is not only a gift of life to them, but the only pure blessing and evidence of God’s miracles. These angels are offered to us as reminders of God’s existence and abilities. After various lengths of time he brings these angels back to his hand for a greater purpose beyond our own understanding. What I have witnessed over time is that occasionally, God seems to need his most beautiful and heavenly angels more and more often, and the result is being blessed with a child of unprecedented grace, beauty, warmth and love… but only for a short time that, once over, feels like less than a moment.
God needed Olivia to help the entire world and through his strength and guidance, she will bring more to mankind in various ways on a scale greater than we could ever fathom.
I know this could never bring the comfort needed or alleviate a level of pain that I cannot imagine. However, instead of offering one more apology for your lose, I wanted to share with your from my heart and be one of many people who are trying to carry some of the pain for you and your family and wishing there was more they could do.
I firmly believe Olivia is and will always remain with you, to care for you and give you all strength… now and throughout your lives.
-Richard, Atlanta, GA
As Olivia’s grandmother, my heart aches everyday not only for my sweet, loving grandbaby but for my entire family as I watch them grieve, each in their own way. I love Adrian’s beautiful tribute to Olivia and I am so appreciative to each and every one of you that has taken the time to read it and share your thoughts and feelings with us. I explain to people that we don’t have good days and bad days….everyday is both good and bad and as a family we continue to talk and cry together as we learn to cope with our loss. Olivia embraced every day like no other child I’ve ever known. She was always happy; I can’t ever remember hearing her cry and maybe that’s because she was surrounded by so much love and affection especially from her mom and dad. She was, after all, their miracle baby. Her presence in this world will be forever missed. It is the thoughtfulness of friends and strangers and the kindness extended to our family that makes it possible for us to heal and for that I wish I could thank each of you personally.
Man, I am so sorry. Sorry for all of you and the pain. I am in the Atlanta area, let me know if there is anything I can do and If I am able I will try. I have no idea of what I would do and how I would handle it. Stay Strong and together as a unit.
Take Care, Scott
That was so hard to read, but I’m so glad you are sharing the story. I cannot even imagine the pain that your family is feeling.Blessings to you all.
Thank you for having the strength to write this so that other people might be helped. Olivia looks like she experienced great love in her short life and for that she was lucky.
I will keep your family in my prayers. I’m so sorry. What a precious soul who undoubtedly is with God.
I am so very sorry for everyone’s loss. This is just heartbreaking to hear. I’m praying for you all.
I am so very sorry. What a senseless loss. I will pass along your message. Thank you.
RichardB’s post is very similar to my feelings and beliefs. I too wish that I could carry some of the grief and alleviate some of your family’s. I have share this with all my FB friends as well as in person to as many as I can. I think of Olivia many times day. I hope that your family can find some level of peace from this unspeakable tragedy.
It is early January
I walk slowly uphill, the cadence seems to lessen my fatigue. I spot the small tribute to Olivia in the top of a pine tree near the southern edge of the summit dome. On a warm Saturday evening in October at exactly 6:10 pm, I had tied a collection of memorabilia taken from Lenore Park Fence to the top of a short needle pine. I fix my eyes and try to see the small pink and metallic pieces of ribbon but the light rain and darkening sky allow only a vague unfocused image and I can barely make out the strands blowing freely as the inclement weather builds with each upward step.
I reach the top and turn to face the advancing storm. I am greeted with a cold mix of wind and rain. I close my eyes and sense a pair of tiny arms holding me with wonderful intensity. Is it the wind or a warm small hand that rubs my cheek reassuringly, telling me that everything is alright? I see those bright blue eyes looking up at me with pure and absolute love. God, I learned more from those sweet knowing eyes than all the books I’ve read in my almost fifty nine years. She has changed me forever.
A tear rolls down my cheek, it mixes with the rain and drops upon the hard granite at my feet – There to begin the long inexorable passage to the sea, a sea who’s salty brine contains the sad, tearful ocean of lament of all who have come before to question the absurdity of life’s randomness and pain. I search for humility and understanding. Is it impertinence to question why? Shall I let the mystery be? But today I am comforted with only the knowledge that she is always with me and the absolute certainty that we will meet again at some yet uncertain hour.
I open my eyes as evening gathers in the western sky and the sun struggles through the clouds to shine light upon the many steeples amid the countryside below. Today I am thankful, if only that I can try to live my life in a manner that honors the memory of this gentle, sweet child who brought so much Joy and Love to each and every moment of her short life, thankful to the many who have given us strength with their kindness
and encouragement. Thankful that I had one year, one month and one day with this beautiful child.
I found your story on Twitter. I was the passenger in my car, my husband was driving and our newborn daughter was sleeping in her car seat. I cried. I just…cannot imagine the agony and the pain that your family, that sweet little baby and her mother have endured. I think of her every day now. Every single day I think of your Olivia and her mother and I cry for the senselessness of the act that took her from you and the pain I wish none of you had ever felt. I hold my little daughter closer. I slow down. I look both ways. I am so sorry.
I found the link to this from a facebook friend. I’ve never been more impacted by clicking a link in my life. I dont have words for how much this changed me. I wish I could carry some of the grief for your family….My prayers are with you. I will never forget your story, and will think about it often.
This just breaks my heart. The amount of tears I shed watching the video montage on youtube, reading this story, looking at her photos is probably so small compared to the hurt your family has gone through over the loss of this beautiful little girl. My heart goes out to you all.
Continuing to think of you all. Beautiful tribute Adrian.
saved the pic because i love music , then i read the blog .. very sad ,,,,,,