This story was contributed by our good friend Amy over at @cb4m – ENJOY!
Damn that Morgan Freeman–the whole world is bucket list crazy. Walking through any airport bookstore, I’m bombarded with thousands of things I should be doing, seeing, reading and eating before I die.
Too many things! Can’t be done! Time is precious, sure, but is turning life into an epic to-do list the way to enjoy it? I’m officially over bucket lists. If you ask me, bucket lists have jumped the shark.
Instead of pressuring myself to see the world, run a marathon or win a Grammy (as a mom to a toddler, I consider it a victory when I leave the house with clean hair), I thought I’d let myself off the hook on some of my least favorite activities. So here they are:
10 things I’m simply not going to do anymore:
1. Go to Ibiza, or any other place where I’m supposed to take Ecstasy, wear a glow necklace and bounce frantically to seizure-inducing rave “music.” If I wanted to relive an episode of my youth, it would involve a large pizza, a six-pack and my old metabolism.
2. Wait in line to return anything that costs less than $10.
3. Deep clean. I’m cool with organizing and tidying, and I’ll do the bare minimum to keep stickiness at bay, but as long as I can pay someone else to scrub the toilet bowl, I will. Life’s too short to do things I hate on a regular basis.
4. Watch movies or television shows about missing kids, kidnapped kids, sick kids, abused kids or pageant kids. My heart can’t take it.
5. Use condoms. Don’t get me wrong–they’re important. I’ll probably install a dispenser in the bathroom when my kid’s a teenager. But I’m monogamous now, and this is my reward.
6. Do a shot because someone else demands it.
7. Pee or God forbid poop in a port-a-potty. The joy of hearing festival music is not worth the assaults on my other senses. Should I ever agree to attend Coachella or Lollapalooza again, it’s going to be VIP or not at all. Screw Burning Man.
8. Obsess about my body. In the next decade, when it looks even sloppier, I’m just going to reminisce about how comparatively rocking it was 10 years ago, so I might as well try to appreciate it now.
9. Go bungee jumping, sky diving, jet skiing or anything else that might leave me less functional for my family.
10. Make a bucket list, no matter how tempting that might be, what with all the free time I’ve just cleared via items #1-9.
What’s on your Anti-Bucket List that you never want to have to do again? Leave a comment and consider it crossed off.
Amy writes the blog Carriage Before Marriage about being a mom to a toddler while still planning her wedding to her fiance/babydaddy. Her misspent youth involved far too many porta-potties, raves and jet skis–just don’t tell her daughter that when she’s a teenager. You can follow Amy on Facebook HERE and also check out her Twitter feed – @cb4m.
Never again will I have a garage sale. I will not spend days culling my possessions, assigning reasonable prices to things, only to have people show up at the crack of dawn, hours before the scheduled start and want to negotiate. “instead of a dollar will you take fifty cents for this ($30.00 iron)”? Then there is the dilemma of what to do with the items that don’t sell. Do I take the warped 3-tier monkey pod server back to the basement, trash it or haul it to Salvation Army. Now I skip all the interim steps and take thing to the thrift store and let them figure it out.
I love this concept. Might have to steal the idea. 🙂
I never want empty a septic tank. I know they are a necessary “machine” but seriously that’s a shitty job.
Hallelujah on the shots and toilet-cleaning. Just ain’t gonna happen (together or separate!)
Love this! Last December I made a list of things I wanted to do in 2012. Some are wishful thinking (go to Europe), others are to be a better person (donate blood; volunteer, etc). For me, I like to-do lists,. but I agree that bucket lists are too time consuming. An Anti-list might just be the way to go from now on!
WHAT? no watching pageant kids!? what’s wrong with you?!
Oh Shit I’m so busted…Suzanne, I love your show, but now that i have a daughter it makes me CRAZY.
Like this Amy! especially #2…why do I wait in long lines for an item even less then $5.00! will need to revaluate this one and create my own anti bucket list. Thanks for this eye opener!
This is hysterical! I would add ironing. I hate ironing. As one of my professors advised, never be good at anything you don’t like to do.
Great post. Totally agree that it is much easier to write an anti-bucket list that I can stay true to then a bucket list that I’ll keep adding to. LOL!