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Dad or Alive

The confessions of an unexpected first-time stay-at-home Dad.

Kitchen Sink Guacamole.

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Last night I got to shred up a Tostitos #GameTimeSnacks twitter party with a few dad friends – Life of Dad, The Rock Father and Rick on the Rocks.

It was a great excuse to actually document the insanity behind making our own guacamole. This recipe is something that my wife and I have adapted over the last few years. It’s a little bit of everything… everything but the kitchen sink.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s perfect for hanging out while watching your favorite game or even when you’ve got the neighbors coming over so your kids can fight to the death and burn off energy. I give you…

KITCHEN SINK GUACAMOLE

INGREDIENTS:

Ingredients for Guacamole
Sometimes I get classy with my little mixing bowls.
  • 5 ripened avocados
  • 3 teaspoons worcestershire sauce
  • 2 small limes
  • 1/2 medium RED onion (diced)
  • 4 cloves of garlic (sliced)
  • 1 tomato (halved, seeded and then diced)
  • 1 handful of fresh cilantro (rough chop)
  • 3-5 tablespoons pickled jalapenos, plus some juice if jarred (these could be anything hot, poblanos, etc., diced)
  • 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
  • 3 tablespoons of sour cream
  • 1 tablespoon of mayonnaise (it sounds crazy, but trust me?)
  • few pinches of seasoning salt (we use Krazy salt, but you can use traditional salt and pepper)

PREPARATION:

Avocados for Guac 2
Halve your avocados and remove the seeds. I usually karate chop the seed and sink my knife halfway in, turn and it pops right out. You can either chose a fancy mortar and pestle OR a vintage Pyrex (any bowl works) to grind up or fork-mash your avocados.
Cutting Avocados 3
I chose to ‘palm’ my ‘cados, run some vertical and horizontal hashtags into them and then scoop the creamy goodness out with a kitchen spoon.
Worcestershire pour guac 5
Once you’ve got your ‘cados mashed up, add the worcestershire sauce. Also, you can guess how many times I’ve had to look up that spelling over 38 years.
Squeeze lime for guac 6
Halve your lime (you might need 2 depending on taste, but rock only 1 to begin with) and either squeeze it in your palm like The Thing OR use a fancy-ass reamer like this guy.
Cutting onions for guac 2
In this recipe, I used a regular yellow onion. If you have the choice, USE RED. My kids seem to have thrown my red one into the toilet before making this, so I had to improvise. If you don’t know the best way to cut an onion (IMO), cut off both ends, halve it, peel the skin off and then run 3 or 4 horizontal slices into the onion, being careful not to cut all the way through into your soft, silky hands. Then run 3 or 4 vertical slices through it. Finally, start at the open end and make vertical dices until you end up with a stub at the end.
Add onion and garlic for guac 7
Add your onion AND garlic. I’m not doing hard time like Pauli and Goodfellas, so instead of a razor blade, I usually just slice and dice my cloves with a regular knife.
Add peppers to guac
You can kinda get creative with your heat. We tend to use pickled jalapeno peppers, but you could roast a poblano, a scotch bonnet or completely blow out your throat, eyes and rear-end with some ghost peppers. Whatever you do, just dice them up.
Add toms for guac 9
Halve your tomatoes and seed them. You can use a kitchen spoon or just dig in there with your fingertips like you’re gouging out someone’s eyeballs at the mall as you do your holiday shopping. Slice and dice.
Add cilantro for guac 10
Grab a decent handful of fresh cilantro. I usually pull out the big twigs and then give this a rough chop. You want to be able to see it once it’s mixed into the guacamole.

MISSING PICTURE AND SECRET STEPS:

Due to the sensitive nature of these vital ingredients, plus the fact that I forgot to take pictures of them, ADD your SOUR CREAM, MAYO and SEASONING. Fold this all together onto a serving platter or into a bowl or hiking boot – whatever floats your boat.

Plate guac add seed 11
Word on the street is that if you put a seed from the avocado into your dip, not only does it look BAD ASS, it keeps your guacamole from turning brown by halftime.
guac with chips final
For the purpose of this occasion, I chose to use some Tostito Scoops, but you can use any kind of tortilla chip and find yourself in the same heaven.

I hope you guys enjoyed our KITCHEN SINK GUACAMOLE and feel free to comment – I’d love to hear any variations that you guys might use. The greatest part about this snack is that you honestly don’t have to follow any specific instructions. If you’ve got the basic ingredients, you just slam it all together and refine with a ‘little of this’ or a ‘little of that’ until you get that perfect, creamy blend.

Enjoy!

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