This story was contributed by our friend Liz at @happymess – ENJOY!
I am the mother of a son.
I’m a woman and he’s a boy.
We have a very special bond that will (hopefully) last a lifetime but we also have some major differences, which are starting to become apparent to him lately and it’s getting rather…awkward.
You see, my son is two years old. He’s still in diapers but he’s starting to understand that boys are girls are different. He’s also starting to demonstrate that he’s a full-fledged boy.
He laughs when he farts. He plays with himself in the tub. He burps. He jokingly asks if he can sleep in his crib naked because nudity is obviously HILARIOUS.
While I have no problem with little boys handling their junk or laughing about moronic bathroom humor (my husband still does, lord help me), I’m starting to wonder how to handle the more awkward situations that are sneaking into our daily routine.
Let’s start with the most basic scenarios. Since I’m a stay-at-home mom, my son and I are together all day. He comes in the bathroom with me when we’re at home. He gets dragged into women’s restrooms out in public. We shower together after swimming.
It’s one thing for him to play with his cars while I pop a squat real quick. But when I need to change a tampon, it’s not time for everyone to gather ‘round and watch. But oh, he does! And being the nice boy that he is, he likes to help. “Here mama” he says sweetly as he hands me the tampon. I reach down to do my business, blushing as I feel two little eyes watching curiously. “Me help!” he squeals as he reaches between my legs…
Oh hell no! I shoo him out of the bathroom with a frazzled fear that I’ve scarred him for life. But what am I supposed to do? He is ALWAYS WATCHING ME.
Taking him out in public has become another exercise in humility. We head into women’s restrooms for diaper changes. I plop him onto the dirty public changing table and change him with lightening speed. But when I put him down so I can go wash my hands he darts away, peeking under stalls and giggling at the poor old ladies doing god-knows-what inside. “HI PEOPLE!” he yells gleefully.
And don’t get me started on doctor’s appointments. Taking him with me is no longer an option. He cries hysterically when the doctor just looks in my ear. What’s going to happen when mommy is spread-eagle in the stir-ups getting a pap smear? ((shudder))
He is the sweetest little guy imaginable — cuddly, giggly, happy, smart, and incredibly good-natured. But what am I supposed to do when he’s nuzzled into my shoulder and starts snapping my bra strap? Or putting toys down my cleavage? Or poking my boobs? Not so cute anymore.
It may be time to institute some new rules around the house, starting with Rule #1: All personal hygiene must be taken care of during nap time. Rule #2: Have a daughter.
Liz is your typical neurotic, overtired, and underpaid stay-at-home mom. She lives in CT with her husband and two-year-old son Benjamin. Her survival kit includes: strong coffee, lots of wine, a good therapist, more wine, and a sense of humor.
You can read more about her journey through motherhood and life with a toddler on her blog at: http://shorelinemommy.