I’m not a complicated man. I enjoy the simple things in life. Finding money I didn’t know I had, making the yellow light or even getting the pull-through parking spot. I love putting on clothes straight from the dryer and freshly cut grass. My all-time favorite is sleeping in on a rainy day.
Which is what I’m trying to do here.
Fifteen years ago, in college, I was known for my stamina. I never passed out anywhere because this is the shit that would happen to you, on a GOOD night. Normally you would wake up without your eyebrows or have ‘scrotum’ written on your forehead in sharpie. Shaving cream in your hands, a bowl of water to make you piss, maybe they even cut all your clothes off in the fraternity living room and put you and your mattress on a campus sidewalk.
I would smack myself in the face or scream to stay awake, that’s how important it was. Eyebrows took a while to come back.
This, however, is a new day. I’m thirty-five and slipping. Obviously, people touching me in my sleep doesn’t even matter anymore. Luckily for me, my daughter Ava has simultaneously discovered the world of stickers and hazing my face.
I thought we could control it. Maybe it would turn out to be a phase.
I now spend a half-hour every Sunday, doing sticker removal. I find them everywhere. Under toilet seats, on the outside of my car, stuck to blankets, windows, even the dog. I should’ve known that she wouldn’t stop there. To date, here is her most vulnerable target. Sorry Charlie.
Once we told her she couldn’t put stickers on the baby anymore, in a tragic turn of events, she turned the stickers on herself.
My only question is, did she drink those stickers or just put them on her face. Holy shit.
Stickers great for young and old. We use them in the Cardiology office everyday…ie:flu shot…happy face….Holidays…sort of a reward system for doing a good job. Especially love the late 80 and 90 yr olds…they just laugh and go along with it.
I was just thinking about this yesterday, as my 2 year old was ecstatic after receiving a sticker that had come from a drink at Subway. When he got in his pajamas last night, he made sure to transfer it from his day clothes to his evening wear.
JJ – The Dude
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This post is f’n hilarious. It made me instantly think of the fraternity hazing from my old school days. We probably graduated around the same time.
The fact that your daughter is the one hazing you now, and that she’s doing it with cocktail stickers, makes this even funnier.
I’m guessing the wife is the one who took the picture, and that makes it funnier still because she probably saw the hazing in action and opted not to stop it, or worse, encouraged it.
Classic.
Respect to you for staying awake back in college. I’d tend to go to my room and pass out (always locking the door), though one time I fell asleep on our couch. Turns out my friends took turns throwing change at me, and another time actually took the doorknob off my door to get into my room.
Glad your daughter hasn’t gone that far to put stickers on you…yet.