The evolution of tailgating continued after I became a Dad. What originally started as an underground subculture, had pushed it’s way into the mainstream.
In high school, for me, tailgating was a couple of guys huddled around the tailgate of my ’85 Ford Ranger at the Hosensack railroad tracks, shotgunning a case of Natural Lights we stole from someone’s open garage in the dead of summer. We’d toss the empties in the fire, hit a couple sprays of Binaca and head to the Coopersburg Diner for a drunken midnight breakfast with the rest of the senior class. In retrospect, this remains nostalgic, but it was truly amateur hour.
Things continued to evolve once I went to college. If it was a sporting event, instead of car keys jabbed into a pounder, we upgraded to bottles with monogrammed fraternity koozies. We had the aluminum Weber, an American classic with the porcelain-enameled bowl and rustproof ash catcher. We feasted on big fatty steaks, Jersey sweet corn and hobo packs. You could almost count on the grillmaster to show up with the novelty penis apron.
The ‘concert tailgate’ was a different animal though, specifically Phish shows in the mid-90’s. Tepid Sierra Nevada Pale Ales were the Holy Grail and did a good job washing down the hash brownies. The Coleman 2-burner was the weapon of choice because propane was cheaper than charcoal. I loved exploring the parking lot in my crusty corduroys, trading hemp necklaces and hugs for a grilled cheese or veggie burrito.
After college, I entered the young professional step on the evolutionary chart. It was all about microbrews and 21 year-old single malt whiskey. We graduated to the Viking ultra-premium TRUsear infrared burner that was so sexy, it may as well have torched the pants off of the women. We experimented on filets with homemade dry rubs and like true assclowns, we sipped out of the cherished yard glasses that you brought back from your trip to Denmark.
But now, after becoming a Dad, it’s taken on a new meaning. My first experience was about 6 months ago. It wasn’t at Veterans Stadium or in the sunbaked fields of Loring Air Force Base, but rather a parking lot of the Babies ‘R Us. There were no hooter shooters, no tossing of the frisbees or smell of hickory smoke. Instead there was a blown out shit diaper, stained onesie and a panicked new father.
I set up shop on the fly and used the back of my car as some sort of triage staging area, while other parents drove by, smiling from within the confines of their air-conditioned SUVs. The wind picked up and I had a mini-tornado of antiseptic wipes swirling around me like the bus stop feather in Forrest Gump. The casualties of the moment were a sucker (aka pacifier) that bounced under the car and the last shred of my pride.
I began my tailgating journey as a chimpanzee in high school and evolved into a neanderthal man by college. Cromagnon took over after college and by the time I hit my late 20’s, modern man had consumed me. It’s amazing how quickly the evolutionary cycle had come full circle that day in the Babies ‘R Us parking lot. Here I was, once again, dancing around like a chimp, but instead of Natty Lights, it was a screaming baby.
Serenity now. Dignity later.
Pop says
LOL! I never thought of it as a tailgate! Sometimes, you may need a Natty Light (or 6) to get through some of the new tailgating.
One time, we visited our old campus and I had a tailgate session with my daughter in the parking lot where college tailgating occurs. It was a strange moment for me changing a poopy diaper in a parking lot full of crushed natty light cans, vomit, and urine.
Jay Larson says
Awesome! YOu know the next step is you drinking red wine from plastic cups with other parents waiting for your dreamy eyed teenage daughters to go into the newest boy bands concert! Natty Light man.
Bobo Mayer says
Well Golly Gee
I somehow lost my appetite for spare ribs and a jolly beverage
Funny how even the most abstract idea of diaper change remains eerily out of reach until we assume the mantle of fatherhood and even then our wives remain convinced that some willing double XX agent must have wandered by to assist with the process. But, back in the day, there were no disposable diapers or magical baby wipes so we had to store the evidence in the trunk and hope the persistent olfactory residue did not leak into the passenger compartment.And believe me, you did not want to be in the neighborhood on wash day.
Lorene Memaw Mayer says
Wow, LOL,this brings back memories (and odors) I might add. Or another little rascal screaming get that smell out of here,forgetting that once upon a time this same odor was coming from his little bottom cover. You have to try to explain that it is part of nature and okay, but the little rascals just don’t think that could have ever been something he or she did. But then, this too will pass and the talgating will be bottles clicking and drinks mixing and Dad’s yelling “get this stuff out of here right now and I mean it. You know better than to do something like that.” Oh well, we have all experienced some kind of tailgating, but your description is pricelss.
Jen says
Note the camouflage diaper bag. Adrian actually said to me “don’t take things out of my diaper bag.” Yes, finally he admits he has his OWN 😉 LOVE LOVE LOVE this one.
Jana Sandler says
Life sure changes when you have new responsibility. I love this! Love you. I’m dying to meet Ava!
Joanie says
Loved the stories on each era, laughed out loud on this one,the most fun and memorable tailgating will probably be with Ava,and the best is yet to come! Keep these coming ,they are inspiring and keep me laughing!
Karen Jackovich says
Adrian,
I just loved this musing…and of course, your ENTIRE blog. You are hilarious…and this is such a different take on tailgating…just wait until Ava projectile vomits onto a swanky hotel’s revolving door…oh yeah, it happens…and it isn’t very pretty. 😀
Karen
Forex News Online says
I really don’t understand why anyone would disagree with that. I think that sounds like it is something to appear more closely at. I really feel occasionally alot of people could be fairly narrow minded when it comes that. Nicely thats all for now, look forward to a lot more post and information.. Talk to you men later. “As in life, Chill for best results”
Destiny says
OMG your blog cracks me up! Hope you guys are doing well! xo
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