Evidently 1966 has come and gone and you can’t just give birth and hop in the front seat and takeoff for home. A car seat is mandatory and if you weren’t aware of this, you probably shouldn’t be having a kid.
I waited until the morning of delivery to try and install this plastic migraine. I was the guy sitting in my driveway with both back doors open, walking around the car, getting in on different sides thinking my angle of approach would help, pulling on my hair and rifling obscenities at the neighborhood gawkers. This is one of those situations where, once you get it installed, you feel like a complete dipshit because it should’ve taken five minutes instead of two hours.
I eventually got it locked in and thought it looked good, however, my wife seems to have a heightened sense of detail and called bullshit on me. A few days after we got home from the hospital, we were out running some errands and while buckling Ava in, she decided that this thing didn’t look right, even though my method of installation completely matched up with the instructions. We drove around (slowly with hazards) for awhile, as I defended my handiwork. Part of being married is knowing when to pick your battles and in this case, I figured it was better to be safe, rather than sorry.
I remember a friend once telling me that fire and police stations will take the time to show you in person, so we decided to try it out and let them settle it. I’ll admit that I have a hard time asking for help, especially from other dudes. This ‘hard time’ becomes seriously amplified when the rookie firefighter helping you and your wife looks like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. This fucking guy looked like Mr. May in the fireman calendar. As it turns out, I ended up being right (for once) and rubbed it in my wife’s face the entire ride home.
Glad you learned it because I will be asking officer Kulp to show me when the time comes.
Mrs Kulp says
I totally forgot how hot he was… maybe I should take that new jogging stroller for a spin past the Marina del Rey fire station.
Robb Buzz says
When I went to the firehouse they told me they “didn’t do that anymore”. I did bring them a cheesecake though in advance as a thank you, so they were happy to give me some advice. The parting words were “Don’t worry if it has a little play from side to side.” Very comforting Mr. June, I feel great now.
Kudos on the blog! I friggin love it (as expected) and your “about” page triggered both laughs and tears. PS On Twister, it took me an hour to put Jami Gertz’s baby seat in the back of my van so I feel you. PPS I hope your Lego trees arrived.
on each one ,so funny, but the latest,had me laughing out loud,so true in all that you mentioned,brilliant writing ,67 camero eh?
shaggy shaw says
Dude, your site is really funny. My wife and I are expecting our first kid in a few months. One of my friends said having a kid is really awesome and sucks at the same time. Well, I am still trying to figure shit out and have no idea what to expect, just lost. I feel like I need some kind of schooling or training. Your humor and insight into this whole baby game is pretty damn good. Keep up the good work and good luck raising your little Gremlin!
1966? Ah, even in 1977 I rode on my mother’s lap on the way home from the hospital, probably without a seatbelt. But props on correctly installing the kid seat! (And hope you relished one of the few times when you will be able to rub in to Jen that you were right!)