Feb28

DAD’S IN DEEP SH!T #25: Clean Up On Aisle Two.

14 comments
February 28, 2013 |  by  |  Ava, Charlie, Dad's In Deep Sh!t, Toddler

“We’re gonna need a wet clean-up in aisle two”, I heard over the PA system of my local grocery store.  We froze in our tracks, tipped our hats and offered a curtsy towards the other shoppers in our vicinity.  I’d love to tell you that this was the first and last time this ever happened, but I’d be a liar.

Most parents think I’m nuts when I tell them that taking the kids to the grocery store has become a moment of solace for me.  It’s an excuse to get them out of the house.  They aren’t running full-tilt through the living room, sniffing out vulnerabilities in my home defense system or playing frisbee in the kitchen with the blu-ray’s.  Charlie wasn’t up to his elbow, noodling for catfish in the toilet and Ava wasn’t screaming because she got her arms twisted up in a princess costume.

They were confined to the stroller.  A relaxing moment for me.  I got to let my guard down and work through my grocery list at a comforting pace.  I may have looked a little like Stevie Wonder when he really gets into a jam…my head, tilted back towards the heavens, swaying left and right as I took in some mild UV rays from the overhead fluorescents.

And like a car wreck, my sunshine daydream was interrupted by the sound of breaking glass and a strong waft of Vlasic bread n’ butters.

Spilled picklesWith each glass of milk and apple slice they have, these kids arms and legs grow longer and stronger.  Clearance specifications from the week before may not be the same this time around.  In a perfect world, she would’ve raked her arm down the canned pasta aisle, so at least we could’ve grabbed a damage discount on some Spaghetti-O’s, but alas, my luck isn’t that good.

As the attendant walked towards us, I lobbed out a ‘sorry’ and did my best to accept responsibility for the mess, all while motioning my eyebrows towards the kids.

Blaming the kids always works… when you’re caught in a pickle.

 

 

12 comments
MolleyMills
MolleyMills

I haven't taken my kids grocery shopping in years but I had the misfortune of doing it recently! It was the most horrified 45 minutes of my life... my children are 13 and 10...assholes. IT.DOES.NOT.GET.BETTER

Twigpusher
Twigpusher

Haha. I dread going to the store with my kids because they are not stroller-worthy anymore. Except for the youngest. Still, the other three are over-stimulation enough to me that they need to stay home for me to get anything done. My solace? The few minutes I get on the pot to take care of business. Sad,but true. 

Lara
Lara

(excuse me for a moment while I wipe up the coffee I just spit all over my monitor) Oh sweet cheeses! The image of you grovin' like Stevie will forever be burned into my memory. I have to confess that a trip to the grocery store -sans kids- borders on carnal bliss, for me. So I sort of get where you're going with this. A nugget of advice from a parent who has been here four times... just keep walking. The can chalk it up to paranormal activity and call in Chip Coffee. <---see what I did there?

Amber
Amber

That's awesome. And you have to blame the kids, no one's gonna get mad at a kid! :)

daniel
daniel

Thankfully this hasn't happened much with me. I've had enough kids over the years, and I'm the one who does most of the grocery shopping (and with the kids in tow) that I'm actually surprised this doesn't occur more often. I'm lucky.

Faith Bomar
Faith Bomar

Can't cry over spilled.... um... I guess, crashed pickles!

Alexandra
Alexandra

I see now what I am looking forward too with Logan. He has already thrown things like pastas, now I know to avoid the glass isle lol

TBag
TBag

Thumbs down!! Ha, that pic is hilarious!!

O'Boy! Organic
O'Boy! Organic

Sorry to say this but your days of peaceful grocery shopping is almost over. Next you will be assking in a not so patient tone for the kids to stay with you and not run down the aisle. This is why I go shopping when the kids are in school. :)

Amy
Amy

Ha! I use to do this and have the 3rd child in a baby bjorn. Just wait till they tip a produce display! I agree, always blame the kids:)