Toddler

Mar6

AVA FULL OF GRACE #5: Get To Steppin’.

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Recently Ava is going through this phase where, after we put her and Charlie to bed, she sneaks back down the stairs to see what ‘mommy and daddy time’ is all about.  Maybe she thinks she’s going to stumble in on us making a big heroin deal or having some Eyes Wide Shut party in

Feb28

DAD’S IN DEEP SH!T #25: Clean Up On Aisle Two.

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“We’re gonna need a wet clean-up in aisle two”, I heard over the PA system of my local grocery store.  We froze in our tracks, tipped our hats and offered a curtsy towards the other shoppers in our vicinity.  I’d love to tell you that this was the first and last time this ever happened,

Feb4

14 Things NOT To Get Your Wife For Valentine’s Day.

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One minute I’m planning to get lucky on New Year’s Eve, then falling asleep before the ball drops.  The next minute I’m screaming and chest-slamming dudes over touchdowns during the Super Bowl, even though my team never made it to the big game.  All of the sudden, February opens up like a hot diaper in

Jan29

AVA FULL OF GRACE #4: Snow Your Roll.

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If I wasn’t organized, I would’ve given up a long time ago.  In trying to carry that idea into the various toy and laundry cluttered hallways of my life, I decided to go through the 56,000 pictures on my iPhoto before (my computer blasted a wet fart in the bed) I had passed the point

Jan24

DAD’S IN DEEP SH!T #24: Banksy’s Buried Treasure.

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My mom raised three boys in the country outside of Philadelphia.  Once June came around and school was out, she changed her hours at the hospital and worked nights so she could be at home during the day. I’m sure that part of it was wanting to enjoy the time with her kids, but logic

Jan22

(Co)Sleeping With The Enemy.

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For those of you who don’t know me or haven’t been following my blog over the last 2.5 years, I’m a full-time stay-at-home dad for two toddlers.  My daughter Ava, turned 3 in October and Charlie is 18 months old.  When Ava was born, my wife and I had each lived in Los Angeles for

Jan10

OTHER PEOPLE’S PARENTS #10: A Survivor’s Guide – The Top 5 Toddler Truths.

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My baby just turned four….my reaction, you ask? Part this: And part this: Anyone who has survived the twos and threes knows exactly why. Now that both of my children are 4 and 7, I’ve had the horror honor of experiencing the two different ways these two very different children experienced these nightmare lovely years.

Jan8

Book ’em Danno.

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Unfortunately, I’m not Lieutenant Steve McGarrett and this post has nothing to do with Hawaii, except for the fact that I feel like I deserve a trip there after somehow stringing together almost 60,000 words to form a continuous, cohesive story for the first time in my life. When I sold a book to Penguin

Dec24

‘Twas The Night I Tried To Use The Bathroom Alone…

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Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care… …as Daddy stain-sticked his kids underwear. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, Benadryl seemed the most effective of meds. And mamma in her ‘kerchief,

Sep19

Shoes Rule.

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When I was in college, we had the ‘Shoes Rule’, which was simple. If you got hammered and passed out with your shoes on, you opened yourself up for a permanent marker beard or being duct-taped to the chair.  If you had the frame of mind to untie those Hush Puppies and place them neatly