My Accountant Told Me To Get a Job.


“You should get a job”, my accountant said to me, as my wife and I sat across from him in his office in early April, preparing our tax returns. Let’s get one thing straight.  I’ve always fancied myself as a lover, not a fighter.  I’ve almost always tried to avoid violence as a way to


Moms Are One of a Kind.


NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:  As I’ve mentioned before in ‘Jump in, Your Nightmare is Warm’, I recently performed a reading of an original piece at the Synetic Theater in Arlington, Virginia for the annual ‘Listen To Your Mother’ series. As you can tell, aside from looking like a gargantuan Paul Bunyan, I was the only


The Curse of a Filthy Mouth.


As far as I can remember, I didn’t grow up with a foul mouth.  As kids, my parents didn’t really shield me or my brothers from bad words, but they certainly didn’t duct tape us to chairs in the basement and make us watch George Carlin videos either.   I guess we just understood that


DAD’S IN DEEP SH!T #25: Clean Up On Aisle Two.


“We’re gonna need a wet clean-up in aisle two”, I heard over the PA system of my local grocery store.  We froze in our tracks, tipped our hats and offered a curtsy towards the other shoppers in our vicinity.  I’d love to tell you that this was the first and last time this ever happened,


A Dad and His Daughter.


Sleep is a valuable commodity around these parts right now.  Up until last night, I’ve been waking up on a pile of blankets on the floor of my son’s room.  Unless you have amnesia or were competing in the Iditarod, you’ll remember that I stoked the coals of the internet for a few days last


(Co)Sleeping With The Enemy.


For those of you who don’t know me or haven’t been following my blog over the last 2.5 years, I’m a full-time stay-at-home dad for two toddlers.  My daughter Ava, turned 3 in October and Charlie is 18 months old.  When Ava was born, my wife and I had each lived in Los Angeles for


DAD’S IN DEEP SH!T #23: Paging Doctor Mommy.


Getting through the holidays without having to administer some form of antibiotics is tough, especially for our family.  When it’s all said and done, we travel up and down the eastern seaboard, staying in Philly, DC and Atlanta for almost three weeks.  I could follow my kids around 24 hours-a-day wearing a fertilizer backpack sprayer


Book ’em Danno.


Unfortunately, I’m not Lieutenant Steve McGarrett and this post has nothing to do with Hawaii, except for the fact that I feel like I deserve a trip there after somehow stringing together almost 60,000 words to form a continuous, cohesive story for the first time in my life. When I sold a book to Penguin


‘Twas The Night I Tried To Use The Bathroom Alone…


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care… …as Daddy stain-sticked his kids underwear. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, Benadryl seemed the most effective of meds. And mamma in her ‘kerchief,


This Is Christmas?


So.  Here we are in the first week of December.  I’m sorry, but WASN’T IT JUST JUNE? Anyway, I’ve gotta come clean with anyone still reading. As I’ve probably mentioned, last year I sold a book to Penguin Publishing based on this very blog.  I had a year to write it, but just like cleaning