My Accountant Told Me To Get a Job.


“You should get a job”, my accountant said to me, as my wife and I sat across from him in his office in early April, preparing our tax returns. Let’s get one thing straight.  I’ve always fancied myself as a lover, not a fighter.  I’ve almost always tried to avoid violence as a way to


Moms Are One of a Kind.


NOTE FROM THE EDITOR:  As I’ve mentioned before in ‘Jump in, Your Nightmare is Warm’, I recently performed a reading of an original piece at the Synetic Theater in Arlington, Virginia for the annual ‘Listen To Your Mother’ series. As you can tell, aside from looking like a gargantuan Paul Bunyan, I was the only


Terrible Two’s: Easy Like Sunday Morning.


A few days ago, a buddy of mine asked me for advice on becoming a new parent.  I told him that I was no expert… I only do what works for me.  But I didn’t want to leave him hanging, so I gave him a few of my ‘bread n’ butters’.  I told him to


The Curse of a Filthy Mouth.


As far as I can remember, I didn’t grow up with a foul mouth.  As kids, my parents didn’t really shield me or my brothers from bad words, but they certainly didn’t duct tape us to chairs in the basement and make us watch George Carlin videos either.   I guess we just understood that


AVA FULL OF GRACE #5: Get To Steppin’.


Recently Ava is going through this phase where, after we put her and Charlie to bed, she sneaks back down the stairs to see what ‘mommy and daddy time’ is all about.  Maybe she thinks she’s going to stumble in on us making a big heroin deal or having some Eyes Wide Shut party in


DAD’S IN DEEP SH!T #25: Clean Up On Aisle Two.


“We’re gonna need a wet clean-up in aisle two”, I heard over the PA system of my local grocery store.  We froze in our tracks, tipped our hats and offered a curtsy towards the other shoppers in our vicinity.  I’d love to tell you that this was the first and last time this ever happened,


A Dad and His Daughter.


Sleep is a valuable commodity around these parts right now.  Up until last night, I’ve been waking up on a pile of blankets on the floor of my son’s room.  Unless you have amnesia or were competing in the Iditarod, you’ll remember that I stoked the coals of the internet for a few days last


AVA FULL OF GRACE #4: Snow Your Roll.


If I wasn’t organized, I would’ve given up a long time ago.  In trying to carry that idea into the various toy and laundry cluttered hallways of my life, I decided to go through the 56,000 pictures on my iPhoto before (my computer blasted a wet fart in the bed) I had passed the point


DAD’S IN DEEP SH!T #24: Banksy’s Buried Treasure.


My mom raised three boys in the country outside of Philadelphia.  Once June came around and school was out, she changed her hours at the hospital and worked nights so she could be at home during the day. I’m sure that part of it was wanting to enjoy the time with her kids, but logic


(Co)Sleeping With The Enemy.


For those of you who don’t know me or haven’t been following my blog over the last 2.5 years, I’m a full-time stay-at-home dad for two toddlers.  My daughter Ava, turned 3 in October and Charlie is 18 months old.  When Ava was born, my wife and I had each lived in Los Angeles for