My Kids Ruined My Wardrobe.

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February 23, 2016 |  by  |  Branded Content

It’s true. In a galaxy far, far away, in another place and time, I actually owned a few pieces of beautiful clothing. I had designer jeans and shirts with buttons, neatly pressed featuring collar stays and paper inserts from the dry cleaner. They were color-coded in my closet, vibrant hues of primary and secondary colors creating a spectacular rainbow of button-down Oxfords. Above those, on top of the shelf, lived my t-shirt collection. Logo’d collector tees on one side, plain every day crew and v-necks on the right. My shoe rack rocked steady with several pairs of custom Nike sneakers, which I would brush and wipe down after each wear to sustain their longevity. But alas, it’s no more.

My closet now has the look, feel and smell of a place where clothes go to die.

While they may not burn your nostrils like Sriracha (which is a bitch to get out of a white t-shirt btw), they look less and less like a man who was once put together and more like a guy who is getting dressed to go wrestle pigs or compete on Double Dare (millennials click the link). Six years and three toddlers later, I struggle to make sense of what happened. There are NO more khakis because they show dirt too willingly. My plain t-shirts have either been put in the dryer with my daughter’s $4 Doc McStuffins Chapstick or tainted by the spaghetti sauce that covers their ravioli dinner. I have dozens and dozens of shirts that are ruined in some fashion or another, yet, I can’t get rid of them. I keep them stacked in a pile, every so often convincing my wife that they’re not yard sale material because I plan on cutting off the sleeves and making them into workout shirts.


This chocolate sniffer has ruined several of my shirts.

It’s pathetic.

But it doesn’t have to be.

I’ve made some lifestyle changes along the way, so that any new clothing that might come my way, can have a chance smother itself over my dried out winter skin. No, I’m not cooking in my underwear (however genius an idea this may sound), but I do now wear an apron to take the brunt of the damage while cooking.

Even though I’ve been at home handling the bulk of dirty garments for the last few years, I’ve never been the best at treating and removing stains from everyone’s gear. It takes some practice (actually reading care labels) – and by practice, I mean epic failures – before you realize that you’re not supposed to put your wife’s cashmere sweater in the dryer or wash a brand new red sweatshirt with everything else on the bedroom floor.

I’ve talked about the home-front apparel struggle with my friends at Clorox once before, so they’re no stranger to my situation, which was why I was genuinely intrigued when they reached out to me last week about a new troubleshooter that I (we) can keep close to the hip.

They’ve just introduced the Clorox® myStain™ app which now lives on my mobile desktop…


So what if I use Etsy? I also use Clorox!

So, full disclosure – I tried out the app in conjunction with a few new Clorox products they had sent to me and so far, I’ve got a whole ‘laundry experiment’ happening upstairs… spraying, wiping, soaking…I’m fairly certain I may get these three words tattooed across the width of my shoulder blades at some point, have them bury me faced-down so everyone can see how much I cared – lol.


Breaking in some new products – at least some of them are new to me.

The app allows you to type in the personal stain that you’re dealing with and offers you an immediate treatment approach.


Beer and blood – two favorites.

So, in using the application, there were one or two stains that I CONSTANTLY deal with – one was in the cue and one wasn’t – can anyone guess what they might be aside from diarrhea and vomit?


URINE luck, they have a cure!

CHAPSTICK and COOKING OIL. Lip balm was actually listed AND offered me a solution!

I didn’t find cooking oil in the initial offering and I know that Clorox® is continuing to update the list, but don’t fret because they have a great feature in which you can email Dr. Laundry at Clorox within the app, who is their scientific stain expert. You can expect a quick reply, however, if patience isn’t your thing, you can always visit the doctor on the Clorox website.

There’s help out there, you guys.

You don’t have to sit by while your walk-in closet becomes a vendor table at the outdoor flea market in your hometown. If you spill something, you CAN strip down immediately (I don’t care where you’re at, it’ll make a great story) and hit up the Clorox® myStain™ app for help.

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is clearly a sponsored post, however, the opinions, thoughts and description of my sad dad closet are my own.




You're daughter Petunia looks really cute!!!!