I don’t know where to go with this one.
Ava was playing in the other room, I heard some commotion and walked into this.
It crosses so many lines, I’m afraid that the Chris Hansen might show up at my door with a gaggle of camera dudes and off-duty cops while I’m FINALLY watching Toy Story 3 all the way through. They’ll just take the bowl of leftover mac n’ cheese out of my hands, zip-tie my wrists and drag me into the front yard in my boxers while the neighbors rally to collect and look after my children til the boss gets home.
While the community scrambles to network about who has my ’emergency contact information’ I just deflate in the back of the unmarked van, exercising my right to remain silent, asking for a latte, getting hit with the butt of a rifle, then a lawyer.
I swear to my baseball card collection that one of my relatives is responsible. They bought this for my daughter and it was supposed to be a doll that pisses her pants, her diaper lights up and you get to practice changing her, etc. Sounds educational, somewhat annoying, BUT educational, so it’s great.
I didn’t know that it was some sort of She-Chucky that sidelined as a pole-dancer! I SWEAR!
Please admit this to the court as evidence. Tell my parents, wife and kids that I love them and it wasn’t my fault.